Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
