girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
