im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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