Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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