we made out on top of his cat.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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