are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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