Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
