Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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