After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
