I seem to have left my pride at pride
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
