frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
