Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
