so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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