Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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