you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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