hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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