direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
