Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
