If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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