You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
