Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
