shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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