please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
