last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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