Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
