mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
