I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
