burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
