so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
