Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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