Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
