Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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