I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
