I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
