You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
