we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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