you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
