Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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