If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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