I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
