woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
