I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
