My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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