I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
