Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
