Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
