why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk is a universal language darling
God I need to hump something, right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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