Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
