i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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