Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When are your genitals available?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
