Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
